Its official! The TEAM is back!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

or

JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - as some may say.

Its on! Jflats has been cleared for take off! She has fucked Cancer over the fence or as we sometimes say - hummed it at the wall! Boooyah! Let the training begin!

I have stopped counting the days till VT50 - I know it looms close but who cares, my wingman is back!

Now the pain begins. Humid, buggy, sweaty, hot and sticky - perfect conditions to drop that 85 pounds of pre-race weight!

We have found the most perfect supplement to MTB. Its a horrible punishment that was suggested oh so benignly by my beloved and R. Cabs. It goes by the name of TRX. Sounds very modern and oh so 2010ish...but beware this is some medieval shit!

As I took my place in front of some kind of trapeze circus apparatus with my fellow sufferers, it became clear, I knew not what commeth. Our super spunky leader was cut like a diamond and with a smile on her face unleashed the pain. TRX is the gift that keeps giving. Two days later the stiffness follows me like a hungry dog.

So this Tick will be getting tortured weekly with high hopes that with every mangled plank position and twinge in the haunch that every pedal stroke in VT will be that much easier...

Woo Hoo!

Welcome Back JFlats! Let the Pain Begin!

Ticks in Training

A lofty goal has been set....THE VERMONT 50!!

Having never done a race or ride of this caliber, this Tick is Skerrred! I've been told many different things...."You'll love it. There is sooo much downhill!!! Er...a lot of climbing too"
"You'll be fine, you ride a lot" "Do hill repeats" "Use your heart rate" "add in running" "Keep doing long rides" "Don't forget to taper" "Drink more beer" "What about one of those discreet motors hidden in the frame?"
Soy vey! Sooo much information.
I started out wild with enthusiasm...Big sign on the chalkboard with a "days 'till" countdown. Now, only 12 days in, I'm loosing my mojo. Could be the heat. Could be missing my fellow tick who is home resting after surgery. Could be distress over my weight. Or could be my inner rebel saying I don't want to HAVE to ride! URGH!!!
Today, I'm just going to ride for me. Stop when I want and take in the vistas and not think about a thing. Just chill out.
112 days left.. Its all about the Journey....And the after ride beer.

See you at the Bloated Tick....................

Goin' Huntin'

I know you. I can smell your type. The rebel. The "who gives a fuck" attitude. Yeah, I know you. Hunting you will be easy. You leave big tracks and lots of evidence. I see where you go and where you come from.

You are loud, callous and dangerous. I can appreciate that you are a dying breed. I understand that you feel as if we have taken what is yours. But what you don't remember is that you are in the wrong. You are illegal as soon as your tire hits the trail. And now you have pissed me off.

Menacing and threatening a group of ladies on the side of the road....and then assaulting my friend later in the trails. I. Don't. Think. So!

There are places for you to ride. Unfortunately they are not here. The woods here are protected. The next time you see me I will not move, I will be in your way and you will have limited options. You can hit a tree or me. There are a lot more of me than there are you.

So, yes. Today I'm goin' huntin' - looking for you. I'm not scared because you are a coward.

New Beginings

Finally! JFlatts is back in action. Yesterday we did our regular ride - from the Mossy Beaver down to Two Holes and back (11 miles). Its so great to have her back. We felt like two kids on a Sunday just riding our bikes - we kinda were. I have been doing that little loop most of the winter and its little rooty hills that I dread and always chug up and over whilst sucking wind. Not Sunday! We were having so much fun that it wasn't until after the tops of the hills that I realized how easily we assented them. That's what happens when you are chatting and woo hooing the whole ride with your friend! Welcome Back Jflatts!

We were looking forward to the first ladies ride of the season,but for the second week in a row - rained out. Hopefully soon, our community of biker chix will be back together woo hooin' thru the woods, getting stronger and faster.

Big things are afoot here at the Tick! Ideas are swirling and starting to take shape. Thoughts become things. It won't be long before the tick has its legs....stay tuned.

SPANKIN' NEW

The Bloated Tick would like to congratulate R. Cabs on her new baby. No, not a human (Eeew!!). Welcome to the block, Roubaix. We are all so happy for Cabs, although now we will only see her slipstream as she whizzes by us Wood Ticks. As for me, I am sad. I fear the days of R.Cabs joining me in the woods are over...sniff, sniff.

The unveiling was quite an event....Dignitaries and Heads of State waited on edge for the great moment. At 5:36 Monday evening -with a poof - the shroud of mystery was lifted as the spot lights blasted the pedestal. There it was! All that could be heard was a rush of "ahhhhs and ooooooohs". I heard some grumbling in the back "who can catch her now???" "so fierce....."

She stood so shiny and new, lighter than a pint of beer. Carbon, carbon, carbon.

The gala raged until the break of day when we all stumbled home after dining on Gu and Powerbars. Just as the last limo left, I saw a blue streak at the end of the road, was it a comet? Was it the northern lights? No, it was Cabs upon her new steed.

Go on with your bad self! Here's to a great season!

Deep Thoughts

I own about 10 Journals. These are the blank canvases that I just HAVE TO HAVE when I see them. They are all different. Some are leather bound, some are cardboard and some have pretty flower patterns, but all of them are mostly blank.
Each time one catches my eye, a vision appears - insert heavenly music here. ........
I am sitting by a beautiful vista or in a cafe writing down very insightful thoughts with great meaning that will someday be turned into a fabulous book or even be studied by future generations.
The reality is that the first page is somewhat amusing. The second entry is more hopeful and filled with big ideas and future plans. The third entry is the downward spiral - it goes something like this:

April 10, 1999..

Went running , had a bowl of kashi for breakfast
mail
dump
groceries
pay bills
go to bank
walk dogs
clean house

Lunch - had salad

This is how each and every one of my gorgeous journal ends. They become lists for 3 pages and then a record of failed diets until I become so frustraded with the whole thing they are shoved back in the closet or taken to the dump. Its sad.
Maybe the problem was commitment. I have never been one to stay committed to any grand idea that pops up, until now.....
THE BLOATED TICK!!
I am committed to the grand idea of the Bloated Tick. This idea has been kicking around in our (17 and 15) heads for quite sometime now. It is an incomplete sentence. Maybe that is why I am committed to it. We still have no idea what it is or what it does. We have a great logo, some stickers and a few shirts. We know that it has something to do with Mountain Biking and we know that it makes us ticks happy. Beyond that- still no idea. In keeping with the theme today.....
Took dogs to beach
Went on EPIC 18.5 MTB ride - (woo2hoo)
Worked a bit
K-mart - bought some Florescent light bulbs - go environment!
Had some Chili'
Wrote on blog.

Hopefully the BIG idea hits us soon, - Reality Show - Bloated Ticks try to race over the Rockies....?? Or some Sinfeldian show about a bunch of MTBrs that hang out??? Or a product of sorts that we can sell the prototype to Gary Fisher and make millions????
I'm counting on it!

The Ides of March

Yes!! February is history!!! No more snow, cold weather or dark days. No, I'm not high...just flippin the vision a bit. Mind over matter. The possibility of MTB 4-5 days a week is about to be a reality! Mainly because there is a new goal: A crazy idea of racing over some little mountains. Crazy for a few reasons: 1 - this tick is afraid of heights, 2 training at altitude is not happening on long island and 3 I am carrying the equivalent of a wall street trophy wife in extra weight on my pixie-like frame.

I can justify the extra weight as a training tool - people pay lots of money to work out with weights right? The reality of it is that, to be able to "race" or even tour the Rockies -less is more...

So I guess its time to embark on some serious work. Getting out daily for a run or ride is a good place to start. Then there is the issue of "nutrition". Maybe embracing my veganism instead of looking for "vegan" alternatives to my favorite cookies, bars, ice cream etc. Another noble challenge.
And last but most important of all - can I get sponsored? -( no, not in the Alcoholics Anonymous way - although lately that seems more realistic)

There has to be a way to have a sponsor help to fund my journey.....there is a huge push to get the chubby people of America to get off the couch and start moving, even just doing something as simple as riding a bike. I could be a good role model - better than Kirtsy Alley even! Hell, I even don Spandex on occasion - whose lookin' in the woods anyway...

I've been thinking of calling Lane Bryant or perhaps I could get a vegan food company to allow me to wear their logo - Tofutti - god knows I have been supporting them, or even Liz Lovely's cookies? More to come on this...I'm off to get some sweet air! Woo hoooo.....