Tofurkey is in the sweet air

Ahhh. Fall is in full swing. The riding is perfect and the woods are bursting with color and gun shots. After spending most of the summer and early fall preparing for the epic Vermont 50, riding had become a chore and training for the unknown sent my nerves into overdrive.

This tick is rediscovering her love of MTB.

Turns out the VT50 was Epic - and apparently the course was designed to be entirely up hill at 30% grades (wtf). J Flats and I were totally unprepared for the pain of that day and spent most of it pushing our bikes up giant mountains. Mile 34 was the end of the road for this team - a bad fall and a sprained ankle mercifully ended our charge. Although the race was totally painful and overwhelming it was one of the best things that I've done! We all had a blast hanging out in VT and getting ready for the adventure. The foliage was breathtaking (so were the climbs) and the race was well run and a good time for all.

So here we are on the day before Thanksgiving. Night rides have started again and large groups of MTBers that had all but disappeared in the heat of the summer are back in full force. My beloved trails give joy again.

As this year is winding down and most are retreating to warmer weather or their couches to wait out the cold and the dark, we will be fighting the winter blues one ride at a time.

So in the spirit of the holiday here are a few things I am thankful for in no particular order:

Mo

Great Friends

The Bloated Tick

My sweet ass bike - Brian

Good Wine

Night Rides

Super great trails

Having no particular Goals for the rest of this year

and this video -

rosietheriviter

I just think this is da bomb!

Yes, a great idea for a jersey!!

Another day at the Bloated Tick

Sitting around, chatting with the grand poobah of the BT listening to her counting the minutes till it's "sweet air" time is just another day for us here at the tick. Oh, and for those of you not sure what grand poobah means:

"Poobah is a title of respect and often is linked to might in a role."

After hearing me rave numerous times about my new favorite running trail (pardon the "run" word), grand master poobah decided to take it on. Going along are The Ghost and JFlats.

Several hours go by and I could swear Grand Poobah and JFlats kidnap my guy. It was dark when they returned.

Now it wasn't so much the hour they returned but waiting to hear the reviews of my favorite trail was driving me nuts. Finally, headlights come streaming down Bloated Tick Drive.

There's good news and bad news to report.

Good news - they soldiered through albeit fresh new wounds oozing with blood.

Bad news - I have a new name. "DAMN YOU CABS".

Oops.

Calling ALL Sponsors

Sunday with the Family. Bloated tick style. No BBQ, no horrible trip to some awful family fun park or even worse, DISNEY. Just a perfect day in the woods with Mo. 30 Mile MTB out and back to Cranberry Hole Road. It was Mo's first epic ride. A perfect day to get super sweaty, dirty and covered in bug bites teetering just on the edge of puking. My dream day ! We were out for a total of 4hours trying to get some time in the saddle in preparation for the VT50 at the end of September.

On the way back - just inside of 7miles to go and I was kicked. It took every ounce of mind over matter to make it up the smallest incline. I was just about to collapse when a flash of pink caught my eye through the scrub oaks. I knew it could only be the be the one and only Yummy Berger!!! Yes! Just what I needed to motivate the rest of the way. They were on their way out and like two sailors passing in the night we exchanged casual profanities and words of encouragement and went on our way - recharged and ready to book it back to the house. (you roadies out there could learn from this)

It felt so right coming home completely wiped out for a relaxing Sunday afternoon. Mo made some mushroom risotto and I scarfed down a vegetarian pizza and we relaxed into a food coma. Finishing out the day with a beer on the beach just reaffirmed the perfection of family day!

This we could get used to....

We Proudly announce: The Bloated Tick is now accepting applications for Corporate Sponsorship! Yes~!! We are a small grass roots MTB team. We race twice a year and are often in the back of the pack. This leaves a ton of time to promote our sponsors, on Facebook, twitter and various other media. We will even fly to foreign countries to promote your business (Italy). No company is too small. The one requirement is that you do no evil...meaning, no oil companies, oil support, tobacco, or any giant food company: that's you KRAFT, TYSON and the Evil McDonald's. Oh and of course, we will not be sponsored by Monsanto - the ultimate in EVIL.



So who then, will we encourage to foot our bills in exchange for promotion?
Lizard Skins, Lara Bar, Layne Bryant, Green Vibrance, Google - we are looking at you big boys!

If you are interested in having the Bloated Tick work for YOU, please post a comment with your information and we will be in touch.

WHAT HAVE I DONE.......................

Heart racing, nervous, shaking, worried and on the verge of tears (ok not so much on the verge but full blown tears) . Dropping off Brian at the shop for repair leaves me in a state of panic!
I can only guess that this is how people with children feel when they have a sick child.
Not only is Brian at the hospital but he is with a Doctor I do not trust.

Because of the state of the traffic and time constraints I was forced to use a shop that I do not like. It is convenient but I have always had bad feelings about the place. Last time I had a tune up they gave me the bike back with a flat tire. Today, I sucked it up and thought with a fresh attitude it could be a good experience. Oh how wrong I was.
The man who took my info and looked at Brian was so rude he actually berated me for not buying the bike from them. I told him that I really needed my bike back for training tomorrow (I'm sure he hears that from every Tool that shows up in the summer). He basically said I'd get it back when I got it back. I understand being fed up with people in the summer but, if you work in retail....guess what.....it pays not to be an ASS. I felt like screaming at the jerk - "I am a local" "I actually ride every day - can't you tell by the broken chain worn grips and mud?" "This is why I NEVER FUCKING shop here!!!"

So angry and tearing up, I reluctantly left my beloved Brian in the hands of a man that I now HATE in a store that I never shop at. Mo insisted that I go back in and rescue Brian from a fate unknown. But I couldn't. I knew that screaming, crying and taking my one bike repair out of there would have no effect on the shop's attitude toward me nor would it improve the skills of the mechanics in the shop.

Here's to hoping Brian comes home in one piece and before the VT50.

SUMO HELLO!

I used to think that there were two types of people, those who think Family Guy and the Simpsons are the best shows ever and those who don't get either of them. Now I realize that there is one more type of person.......the Roadie! Actually I believe that the "Roadie" probably falls into the the "not getting and or appreciating Family Guy and the Simpsons" category. I guess that this is an entire sub category of people....the ooooh so serious self important people.

Before I go deeper into this, a little disclaimer so not as to offend my athlete friends who actually compete on the road and are kind, reasonable people with great senses of humor....this is not about you guys...because you guys ROCK!

This is an ode to the phantom hello. It hangs in the air like an awkward pause. However rarely I am on the road...usually when going from trail to trail (the road scares the crap out of me. Kudos to those of you who take on the cars and asphalt daily) I always say hello and wave to fellow cyclists and pedestrians often giving them a salute with the awesome Sumo Horn.

I don't expect much in return, perhaps a quick wave of the hand...or a short "hi". But 97% of the time these weekend warriors, wanna be Saxo Bank noodleheads look up for a glance - take in the sight of my awesome 29r, super Sumo Horn, lack of cellulite hugging spandex and quickly avert their eyes pretending I am invisible. Not cool! I know I'm hardly invisible!

Such a different breed than the MTBrs we pass. Every time I pass a fellow sweet air getter in the woods or on the road there is always an exchange. Usually it goes like this: "hi, great day huh!" or there is a longer conversation about the trails and where the good ones are. Overall there is a general sense of community and care for one another within the MTB community.

I also care about the road riding community, I have been glued to the Tour for the past 2.5 weeks learning all I can about the road. I have great respect for these super athletes pushing way beyond the pain threshold to pull a team member to the summit of giant mountains.

Lets be honest, these non waiving, silent, spandex clad, $15,000 bike riding roadies are not ignoring me because they have ridden 150 miles and are climbing to the top of the Col du Tourmalet so focused on the finish line that they are blind to all around them. No. Not even close. Usually I am passing them at 12mph on my big grippy tires. They are silent and averting their eyes because they think they are better than me and that to wave or say hello would be beneath them. Or perhaps they are jealous. They could never rock a giant sumo horn - too much wind resistance.

Bottom line...if you're not having fun why do it? Saying hi or a quick wave will not cost you the yellow jersey ....it might even make you smile. Life is not that serious and if you think it is, might I suggest watching some Family Guy or starting a tickle fight. It might just lower your blood pressure and save you from a heart attack!
Sumo OUT!

Its official! The TEAM is back!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

or

JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - as some may say.

Its on! Jflats has been cleared for take off! She has fucked Cancer over the fence or as we sometimes say - hummed it at the wall! Boooyah! Let the training begin!

I have stopped counting the days till VT50 - I know it looms close but who cares, my wingman is back!

Now the pain begins. Humid, buggy, sweaty, hot and sticky - perfect conditions to drop that 85 pounds of pre-race weight!

We have found the most perfect supplement to MTB. Its a horrible punishment that was suggested oh so benignly by my beloved and R. Cabs. It goes by the name of TRX. Sounds very modern and oh so 2010ish...but beware this is some medieval shit!

As I took my place in front of some kind of trapeze circus apparatus with my fellow sufferers, it became clear, I knew not what commeth. Our super spunky leader was cut like a diamond and with a smile on her face unleashed the pain. TRX is the gift that keeps giving. Two days later the stiffness follows me like a hungry dog.

So this Tick will be getting tortured weekly with high hopes that with every mangled plank position and twinge in the haunch that every pedal stroke in VT will be that much easier...

Woo Hoo!

Welcome Back JFlats! Let the Pain Begin!

Ticks in Training

A lofty goal has been set....THE VERMONT 50!!

Having never done a race or ride of this caliber, this Tick is Skerrred! I've been told many different things...."You'll love it. There is sooo much downhill!!! Er...a lot of climbing too"
"You'll be fine, you ride a lot" "Do hill repeats" "Use your heart rate" "add in running" "Keep doing long rides" "Don't forget to taper" "Drink more beer" "What about one of those discreet motors hidden in the frame?"
Soy vey! Sooo much information.
I started out wild with enthusiasm...Big sign on the chalkboard with a "days 'till" countdown. Now, only 12 days in, I'm loosing my mojo. Could be the heat. Could be missing my fellow tick who is home resting after surgery. Could be distress over my weight. Or could be my inner rebel saying I don't want to HAVE to ride! URGH!!!
Today, I'm just going to ride for me. Stop when I want and take in the vistas and not think about a thing. Just chill out.
112 days left.. Its all about the Journey....And the after ride beer.

See you at the Bloated Tick....................

Goin' Huntin'

I know you. I can smell your type. The rebel. The "who gives a fuck" attitude. Yeah, I know you. Hunting you will be easy. You leave big tracks and lots of evidence. I see where you go and where you come from.

You are loud, callous and dangerous. I can appreciate that you are a dying breed. I understand that you feel as if we have taken what is yours. But what you don't remember is that you are in the wrong. You are illegal as soon as your tire hits the trail. And now you have pissed me off.

Menacing and threatening a group of ladies on the side of the road....and then assaulting my friend later in the trails. I. Don't. Think. So!

There are places for you to ride. Unfortunately they are not here. The woods here are protected. The next time you see me I will not move, I will be in your way and you will have limited options. You can hit a tree or me. There are a lot more of me than there are you.

So, yes. Today I'm goin' huntin' - looking for you. I'm not scared because you are a coward.

New Beginings

Finally! JFlatts is back in action. Yesterday we did our regular ride - from the Mossy Beaver down to Two Holes and back (11 miles). Its so great to have her back. We felt like two kids on a Sunday just riding our bikes - we kinda were. I have been doing that little loop most of the winter and its little rooty hills that I dread and always chug up and over whilst sucking wind. Not Sunday! We were having so much fun that it wasn't until after the tops of the hills that I realized how easily we assented them. That's what happens when you are chatting and woo hooing the whole ride with your friend! Welcome Back Jflatts!

We were looking forward to the first ladies ride of the season,but for the second week in a row - rained out. Hopefully soon, our community of biker chix will be back together woo hooin' thru the woods, getting stronger and faster.

Big things are afoot here at the Tick! Ideas are swirling and starting to take shape. Thoughts become things. It won't be long before the tick has its legs....stay tuned.

SPANKIN' NEW

The Bloated Tick would like to congratulate R. Cabs on her new baby. No, not a human (Eeew!!). Welcome to the block, Roubaix. We are all so happy for Cabs, although now we will only see her slipstream as she whizzes by us Wood Ticks. As for me, I am sad. I fear the days of R.Cabs joining me in the woods are over...sniff, sniff.

The unveiling was quite an event....Dignitaries and Heads of State waited on edge for the great moment. At 5:36 Monday evening -with a poof - the shroud of mystery was lifted as the spot lights blasted the pedestal. There it was! All that could be heard was a rush of "ahhhhs and ooooooohs". I heard some grumbling in the back "who can catch her now???" "so fierce....."

She stood so shiny and new, lighter than a pint of beer. Carbon, carbon, carbon.

The gala raged until the break of day when we all stumbled home after dining on Gu and Powerbars. Just as the last limo left, I saw a blue streak at the end of the road, was it a comet? Was it the northern lights? No, it was Cabs upon her new steed.

Go on with your bad self! Here's to a great season!

Deep Thoughts

I own about 10 Journals. These are the blank canvases that I just HAVE TO HAVE when I see them. They are all different. Some are leather bound, some are cardboard and some have pretty flower patterns, but all of them are mostly blank.
Each time one catches my eye, a vision appears - insert heavenly music here. ........
I am sitting by a beautiful vista or in a cafe writing down very insightful thoughts with great meaning that will someday be turned into a fabulous book or even be studied by future generations.
The reality is that the first page is somewhat amusing. The second entry is more hopeful and filled with big ideas and future plans. The third entry is the downward spiral - it goes something like this:

April 10, 1999..

Went running , had a bowl of kashi for breakfast
mail
dump
groceries
pay bills
go to bank
walk dogs
clean house

Lunch - had salad

This is how each and every one of my gorgeous journal ends. They become lists for 3 pages and then a record of failed diets until I become so frustraded with the whole thing they are shoved back in the closet or taken to the dump. Its sad.
Maybe the problem was commitment. I have never been one to stay committed to any grand idea that pops up, until now.....
THE BLOATED TICK!!
I am committed to the grand idea of the Bloated Tick. This idea has been kicking around in our (17 and 15) heads for quite sometime now. It is an incomplete sentence. Maybe that is why I am committed to it. We still have no idea what it is or what it does. We have a great logo, some stickers and a few shirts. We know that it has something to do with Mountain Biking and we know that it makes us ticks happy. Beyond that- still no idea. In keeping with the theme today.....
Took dogs to beach
Went on EPIC 18.5 MTB ride - (woo2hoo)
Worked a bit
K-mart - bought some Florescent light bulbs - go environment!
Had some Chili'
Wrote on blog.

Hopefully the BIG idea hits us soon, - Reality Show - Bloated Ticks try to race over the Rockies....?? Or some Sinfeldian show about a bunch of MTBrs that hang out??? Or a product of sorts that we can sell the prototype to Gary Fisher and make millions????
I'm counting on it!

The Ides of March

Yes!! February is history!!! No more snow, cold weather or dark days. No, I'm not high...just flippin the vision a bit. Mind over matter. The possibility of MTB 4-5 days a week is about to be a reality! Mainly because there is a new goal: A crazy idea of racing over some little mountains. Crazy for a few reasons: 1 - this tick is afraid of heights, 2 training at altitude is not happening on long island and 3 I am carrying the equivalent of a wall street trophy wife in extra weight on my pixie-like frame.

I can justify the extra weight as a training tool - people pay lots of money to work out with weights right? The reality of it is that, to be able to "race" or even tour the Rockies -less is more...

So I guess its time to embark on some serious work. Getting out daily for a run or ride is a good place to start. Then there is the issue of "nutrition". Maybe embracing my veganism instead of looking for "vegan" alternatives to my favorite cookies, bars, ice cream etc. Another noble challenge.
And last but most important of all - can I get sponsored? -( no, not in the Alcoholics Anonymous way - although lately that seems more realistic)

There has to be a way to have a sponsor help to fund my journey.....there is a huge push to get the chubby people of America to get off the couch and start moving, even just doing something as simple as riding a bike. I could be a good role model - better than Kirtsy Alley even! Hell, I even don Spandex on occasion - whose lookin' in the woods anyway...

I've been thinking of calling Lane Bryant or perhaps I could get a vegan food company to allow me to wear their logo - Tofutti - god knows I have been supporting them, or even Liz Lovely's cookies? More to come on this...I'm off to get some sweet air! Woo hoooo.....

Lunch Break

BT update! Team Tick gets sweet air in the Faux Blizzard!
Got the text at noon during the storm - about the same time plows were being called to action.. .. all I had to see was "Ride". It was on. One quick call to the office expressing an emergency lunchtime situation and I was free!
Met The Ghost for some foot warmers and we were off! Deep wet snow made for slow going but it was too much fun to turn back. We headed off to Grace Estate ducking under trees that had bowed down under the weight of the snow.
I must have fallen 10 times or so but didn't care. It was a complete laugh fest! We headed toward Cedar Point up to the bluffs. The small hills that had become so manageable in the past now loomed ahead of me like the Himalayas. Where oh where was my Sherpa?? The Ghost of course had disappeared at this point, as he tends to do. I couldn't blame him - who wants to stand around in the snow and wait - I knew he was floating around the woods somewhere. Just me and Brian now on the bluffs with sand colored snow and winds full of grit slashing at my face. I had to climb with my head turned to the woods and hope to remain vertical. I hoped Brian wasn't getting scratched by the wind - but plod on we did. I imagined this being some kind of insane Navy Seals test....
Finally at the apex of mount Cedar Point! Thank God - downhill (sorta) now.
I managed to find the Ghost - actually he turned back to find me and we headed south toward the roads feeling like the only people on earth to witness the great tempest in the woods - Totally EPIC!!
The only sound heard was the snow crunching beneath our tires, oh and perhaps "Dude! I totally just wrecked on that downhill" and "woo to that hoo"
Back at my Desk a mere two hours later - I no longer think that a lunch break is overrated!
Until the next storm.....

January is half over! The days are longer and the air is getting sweeter.

Brian and I are getting on quite well. 29er for the winter - so sweet. Learning to ride in snow,ice, and darkness way nice. Riding out west because I can, is most awesome.

Just back from a field trip out to Vegas. So much fun I wish we could find a way to spend winters out there.

Happy tonight - the Bloated Tick is OPEN again! R. Cabs has landed! Woo to the Hooo! Missing one Ghost but hopefully the whole team will be back soon.

Goal - to MTB in all 50 states and every country on the planet

Time Frame 5 years

Start Date - 1/1/10

First step - need funding

Lets GO!